This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
