I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Don't make out with my wife yet
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
