I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
