Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
