Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
