he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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