Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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