He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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