I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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