drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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