his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
