Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
