My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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