FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
