there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
