Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
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No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
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I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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