your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
