Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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