I think i sorta joined a cult last night
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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