wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Randomize
