My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
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