Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
