Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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