Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Two words: blizzard sex
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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