on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
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I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
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She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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