I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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