What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
