I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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