Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I bet he comes in French.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
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When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
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I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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