he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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