Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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