Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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