Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
