Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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