I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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