I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
