He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
