shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
