did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Panties = found
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
