I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
