and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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