I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
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if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
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I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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