I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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