So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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