did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
