there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I will pee on everything he values.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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