I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
