why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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