I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize
