do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
