she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
