You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Randomize
