on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
