Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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