I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
