Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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