Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You're like the curious george of whores
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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