It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
