I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
