Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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