Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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