I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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