he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
