Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
