Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
