My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i barfeds in our rink
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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