It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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