she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
