Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
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So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
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Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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