No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
