Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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