just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
