"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize