You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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