i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The struggles of a small town man whore
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
