your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
