Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
