Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
