On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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