The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
