Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
