when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
