just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
