If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
