what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize