I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
